Misha: “Ma, where did I come from”
Ma: “Beta, you’re a gift from God!”
The typical answer Indian parents give when asked where babies come from. This was the start of most of our sex education.
Apparently, ‘sex’ doesn’t exist in our culture, or at least not for kids. But why does the very mention of the word ‘sex’ bring all these negative emotions, embarrassment, fear, shame etc.?
Why don’t we talk about it? Why don’t parents want their kids to know? Why do the parents think kids who don’t know about sex will be better human beings? When sex is the very reason for our existence? Aakhir Kyoun (आखिर क्यूं )? Why is SEX a taboo?
Ignorance is the root cause of ‘sex’ being a taboo in Indian culture. To put it simply – very few parents are comfortable talking about ‘IT’ to their kids. Our survey revealed, parents get super stressed at the very thought of this interaction. The interaction itself (if it happens) is so awkward that no real information is exchanged or retained. And no one (parent or the child) wants to revisit it. It is a check box on a painful thing to do, like going to the hospital or face death.
This lack of guidance and misinformation, fuels curiosity amongst kids across all age groups. And, what do 21st century kids do when they’re curious? Google it! Duh! The sites they visit are (to put it lightly) not the most reliable and therefore spread incorrect information. This issue needs to be addressed in an open manner. Parents need to understand that they must be the primary source of information about ‘sex’. Just like all other important things, health, education, manners, religion etc.
Our video series highlights this ridiculously ‘hesitant’ attitude for parents and children. We recorded aam janta’s “awkward” reaction on hearing the word ‘SEX’. HIL aims to help create open relations between parents and children. The sole method to remove the ‘taboo’ attached with talking about sex is to TALK ABOUT IT!
As our teenagers puts it, ‘It’s natural bro!’
When the topic of sex comes up, it is not surprising to see young adults awkwardly clearing their throats and shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Why?
India, the country that is home to the ‘Kama Sutra’- a historical piece of literature pertaining to the human sexual behaviour – is also the country that sees sex as a taboo. Why?
In our opinion based on extensive one on one interaction with parents and also psychological research, this behavior is due of a much bigger problem. Indian parents in general believe all their children are too young for “Sex Talk”, until they are 20, when they are too old for it, as they know everything magically.
We are dealing with a very deep rooted denial. Most parents deny the existence of “Teenage Phase” where you gradually transform from dependence to independence through trial and error, a lot of hurt and confusion. When it comes to sex, as a child you’re NOT supposed to know anything about it, and when you are an adult, you’re magically supposed to know everything about it. Thus most young people miss out on valuable information on Sex and Sexuality. Psychological Research suggests that parents generally aren’t very confident about discussing sexual issues with their children. Our firsthand experience counseling families and academic research suggests the following pattern:
• Parents tend to show embarrassed or awkward body language when talking to their child about sex: for example, avoiding eye contact
• Parents assume the school system will take care of their child’s sex education, and so choose to say nothing.
• Parents tend to leave boys in the dark about female sexual issues such as menstruation.
• Parents confine their talks to the mechanics and biology of sex, and tend to omit the more difficult or embarrassing topics such as masturbation, homosexuality and orgasms.
• Parents may postpone talks about sex until they see evidence of the child having a relationship; for example, if their child starts dating or comes home with a love bite on their neck. These talks can turn into arguments because it can become a discipline issue rather than an opportunity to provide advice and guidance.
• Fathers tend to avoid taking part in sex education discussions. When fathers do talk to their children about sex, they limit the conversation to less intimate issues.
• Mothers are more likely to talk about intimate, emotional and psychological aspects of sex than fathers. Mothers talk more about sex to their daughters than their sons.
The present situation is slightly improving, but there’s still much to be done. Now, how would the typical ‘desi aunty’ react if she overheard a bunch of youngsters talk about sex? “Hai Bhagwan!!! besharam!”
While there used to be a paucity of information about sex before the wonderful invention – Google. Now there is an abundance of information about sex that is widely available to anyone and everyone with an Internet connection.
Talking about sex won’t make Indian culture immoral, but would in fact, benefit the misinformed youth and revive ‘traditional’ Indian culture. Parents need to speak about coercion and consent in order to create a responsible and well-informed generation that is able to make an educated decision.
Fortunately, the current generation is able to talk more freely about sex to their parents thanks to ‘western libertarian’ influences.
To conclude, we endeavor to abridge the communication gap that hinders conversations between different generations in terms of ‘sex talk’. Striving to provide a conducive environment to talk about sex without baggage.
An open communication about sex and sexuality, between parents and kids, will create intimate friendships between parents and kids. Sex talk can act as a bridge, and should be used to create a bond of friendship, fun and trust with our kids. Enriching families!!!
Please subscribe to our YouTube channel Happiness Is Love for more videos in the “Lets Talk About Sex” series