Greatest parenting challenge today is to maintain the right balance between being a Modern parent and giving your children traditional values. I can confidently say after 16 years of raising a family, and coaching children and families – Parents, don’t know HOW much of what to do!! They are either too soft or too harsh in their Parenting style. I attribute the above to total complete lack of awareness, not lack of love! As a mother of 3 kids, I believe Parenting is always about Parents. Let’s first establish a FACT – We Parents have the most significant influence on our children and help in building self-confidence, self-regulation and self-awareness skills! Parents need to be able to communicate openly, freely and respectfully with their children. When parents communicate, they are showing them respect. Children understand that they are heard and understood by their parents, which in turn boosts self-esteem and self-worth
It’s my firm conviction that Well-Behaved Kids Come From Well-Behaved Parents, not from Well-Taught Parents! There is this phrase I saw on a social post which says ‘kids won’t speak bad words but they speak heard words’ – so true! Live the life that you expect from your kids. It’s as simple as that. If you want your kid to be well-behaved, behave well as a parent! Full stop!
Below are points to keep in mind for raising your kid’s right in modern times:
Emotional Responsiveness:
Relationships are all about emotional connections and attention. Many times bad behaviour is a form of communication which means that your child does not feel connected with you. They may feel bossed around, not accepted heard and/or not listened to. Focus on being emotionally available, responsive and engaged with your child consistently.
Teach Relationship Skills
Mealtime, bedtime is essential times to be present with our kids. Observational research also shows that reunion times, when we see our children for the first time after being apart for a while, are great opportunities for connecting. Kids are often eager to share about their day, especially if we give them our full attention.
Discipline with Love
Remember that discipline is not punishment. Enforcing limits is really about teaching kids how to behave in the world. Research says that children thrive on:
- Structure/ boundaries/ Rules/ Limits.
- Being held accountable for their behaviours.
- Positive reinforcement (Praise and cheer good behaviour)
Encourage Family Time
Kids with engaged parents do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them. Make warm memories.
Model Your Values and Always apologize
Always tell the truth and just Walk Your Talk. Talk about what it means to be a good person. Further, fess up when you blow it. Parenting is about mutual growth, learning and respect. Say sorry!
Parenting Starts with your Marriage
Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Respect parenting differences by agreeing to disagree in front of the children and showing them positive conflict resolution skills.
Random kindness acts
Kids need to know that helping others is an everyday practice. Set up a “gratitude circle” every night at dinner. Go around the table and take turns talking about the various people who were generous and kind to each of you that day. Always Say “I Love You” and Love your children equally, but treat them uniquely. Allow them to fall, fail and make mistakes.
Also, practice and prioritize Self Care and Self Love. Ask yourself am I modelling happiness or stress? Pay attention to your well-being.